What is that... and will it hurt me?

Typically, it is best to presume that the unknown is full of fun surprises; if you assume that the familiar is also known, you are asking to be blind-sided. Take the lowly commode as an example: by mid-life, one's relationship with the device should be relatively clear- a standard give/take relationship can be expected, can't it?

I offer this item for your consideration:

Imagen then this tail of woe: Your Narrator, prepared to perform the solemn duty of porcelain cleansing, on hands and knees, scrub brush in hand. Alas, his True Love has solved the riddle of perpetual water flow, not by jiggling the handle, but instead has closed the tap. Easy enough to rectify, you say? Indeed; a few twists of the handle yield ample dividends:

The more observant but less clever of you will have noticed the pair of valves associated with this device and thought, 'How nice- hot and cold water for the commode; very modern, indeed.' If you fall withing this group you will then feel a small modicum of the shock I experienced after several rapid twists of this handle revealed that, 6000 miles from the bucolic safety of my native lands, the hitherto accepted paradigm had been reversed: a small stainless-steal nozzle released an ample jet of water aimed neatly betwixt my eyes. Lulled by years of predictability and so caught off guard, I found myself knocked back onto the tiles with a little fountain raining onto my chest- years of mistreatment avenged in a single moment.

Stay tuned, loyal reader, and in short order I will acquaint you with the far less savory aspects of the Classic Turkish Lavoritory, as are still found commonly in rural settings, on board ships, or anyplace a porcelain throne was deemed an extravagance....